I’ve been wanting to write this for few years now and I am thankful to be able to do this now, finally. I have two important things/points to tell you here. (By the way though, this is not a post about stay at home moms vs working moms. Just give it a read <3 )
The first moment I wanted to write this blog – A few years ago, I got a birthday wish from my sister on Facebook. And in that wish she called me a superwoman, and praised how I handled all of these things -> I was studying full time, I was a blogger helping other moms and I was working, all while also trying my best to be a good mother to my daughter. I was quite thankful of course, but this wish also opened my eyes.
I was surprised, surprised at how much I was ACTUALLY doing. You won’t believe me, but to me, before reading her birthday wish, I felt like I was still not doing enough! To me, I felt like I needed to do more. You see, when I started blogging, on Instagram I was bombarded with other moms who were doing a lot! Some were owning businesses while doing a full-time job, some were blogging and some were doing both! And that was and is, still praised very much and that is great! However, we don’t always get to see more than the pictures…and that can get a bit overwhelming. Like for me, yes I was working but I just did one freelance job and I could do that because my husband kept our daughter after his work. How did I study full time and make sure I was giving my daughter the best parenting? I didn’t cook lunch; I was staying at my mom’s and she usually ended up cooking it. I never tried to hide that, and many people don’t either, but there are people out there that do. Just recently Karamo (yep, from Queer Eye) said on his Instagram, not to “fake it, till you make it” on social media because that causes a lot of stress on others. And he is so ON POINT.
Quick example for what I mean: I came across a small shop owner and I was inspired/overwhelmed and so I asked the lady, “How do you do everything?” Because she said she was a working lawyer, a mom to a toddler and owned a business as well. She told me “I get a lot of help from my mom who takes care of my baby and cooks for us.” And that’s great, it made sense and it was more understandable. A month later when she was talking about all the things she was doing for work while being a mom, I was happy for her and praised her and someone asked the same question again and this time she answered “honestly, it’s just a lot of coffee.” Basically she meant that she did all her work and be a mom with lack of sleep and lots of coffee. Of course, I’m sure she did that anyway, but if it was my first time hearing it, I would’ve probably thought she really did everything by herself and I would’ve probably felt like I wasn’t being able to do my best – that she was some kind of a super woman. I don’t think she thought too deep into her answer, and I don’t blame her. But it made me realize, just how these ‘quick messages’ can leave so much truth behind.
Anyways, here is the thing that I tell people all the time that I forgot to tell myself. Don’t compare yourself to others, because their life scenarios are different than yours. Everyone has their own timing. Some people have help and some people don’t. Some people will try and be real on Instagram and some won’t. Don’t believe everything that you see on social media. There is more than you can see in the pictures. <3 Do what you can, do at your own pace.
It might sound strange to some of you but before reading my sister’s wish, I was stressed, I was stressed because I thought I wasn’t doing enough. I remember when I read that birthday wish …I was in tears. And I realized, that I would never want anybody to go through the stress that I went through – feeling that they were not doing sufficient.
Before reading my sister’s message, I felt like I was just a student with one post in her blog. You see what happened there? I was so hard on myself, I completely forgot that I was doing something REALLY important too. I was taking care of my daughter! I was trying to be the best mom that I could be. I was feeding her, bathing her, putting her to sleep, teaching her the right from wrong, teaching her not to waste, reading books with her, taking her to swimming lessons, playing with toys that would ignite her imagination! All the things I thought would be part of good parenting skills. But I was so hard on myself that I didn’t think being a good mom was as much work as having a job, but heck, that of course is a lot of work.
My sister’s wish had also made me realize that even though my blog was small, I was still trying to help other moms both on and off Instagram. Every little I did, helped a new mom out there, even if one.
So, here is the thing I wan’t to say to you. Being a good mother to your child is enough. If you want to just focus on the baby, that is enough. If you wish to help others, whether through a blog or just by a phone call to another new mom, that is enough. If you’re raising a good human being, taking care of them, giving them love, while you trying to be a good person – that is more than enough. I mean, isn’t that what a supermom is?